Saturday, November 19, 2005

Do we need Broadband?

Friday, November 18, 2005

90 year old father?

After marrying a sweet young woman, a 90 year old geezer told his doctor
that they were expecting a baby.

"Let me tell you a story," said the doctor. "An absent-minded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he picked up an umbrella. Suddenly a bear charged him. Pointing his umbrella at the bear, he shot and killed it on the spot."

"Impossible!" the geezer exclaimed. "Somebody else must have shot that bear."

"Exactly," replied the doctor.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Surgery.com

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Young Scottish Love

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin'. . .perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh I was thinkin.......perhaps its noo aboot time for a wee cuddle."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again . "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh I was thinkin...perhaps its aboot time you let me poot ma hand on your leg."

The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee.Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "My thoughts are a bit more serious this time."

"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

"Aye," said the lad. The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request. "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Who said chauvanism was dead?

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? -- 45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? -- 45 mins.

What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? -- Sexual Harassment

What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? -- $3.99 a minute.

How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

How can you tell if your husband is dead? -- The sex is the same, but you get the remote.

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? -- Humpme Dumpme.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart? -- Through his chest with a sharp knife.

What have men and floor tiles got in common? -- If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking? -- Because those men already have boyfriends.

What is a man's view of safe sex? -- A padded headboard.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? - after a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -- The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? -- The guy who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen donuts.

Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony? -- The woman who ate the last donut.

What is the difference between a battery and a woman? -- A battery hasa positive side.

A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest breasts? -- The blonde, because she's 18.

Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? -- When you take it off you wonder where the breasts went.

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? -- Two mothers-in-law.