Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Memo from the desk of JOKEMAIL

CONFIRMED DARWIN AWARD: Steel Steal "Gravity Still Works"

July 2007, Czech Republic | A pack of thieves attempted to steal
scrap metal from an abandoned factory in Kladno. Unfortunately
for them, they selected the steel girders that supported the
factory roof. When the roof supports were dismantled, the roof
fell, fatally crushing two thieves and injuring three others.

June 2007, Philippines | Three entrepreneurs planned to profit
from stolen scrap metal. They entered a former US military complex
and approached the prize: an abandoned water tank. Bedazzled by
the potential upside, the three threw logic to the wind, and began
to cut the metal legs out from under the tank. Guess where it fell?

Straight onto the thieves.

Darwin notes, "What are these thieves doing, playing a deadly
game of Jenga?! This entire category may soon become too common,
in violation of the Rule of Excellence. See Scrap Metal Thieves
and Barn Demolition."

UNCONFIRMED DARWIN AWARD: Death of Dracula

1994 | A college student dressed up as Dracula for Halloween. For
the finishing touch, he put a pine board down the front of his
shirt, so he could stick a knife into the board and pretend he was
transfixed with a killing stake. He didn't consider the strength
of the thin pine board when he tapped in the knife with a hammer.

Propelled by the force of the hammer, the sharp knife tip split
the soft wood and buried itself in his heart. He staggered from
his dorm room into the party, gasping, "I really did it!"
before succumbing before horrified friends.

CONFIRMED DARWIN AWARD: Beer for Bears

August 2007, Serbia | It's well known that alcohol impairs judgement.
It's well known that carnivorous wild animals and humans don't mix.
What happens when we combine all three? One might expect men, bears,
and beer to combine with lethal consequences. Such was the case for
a 23-year old man who inadvertently fed himself to Masha and Misha
at the Belgrade Zoo.

The Zoo director said of the incident, "Only an idiot
would jump into the bear cage."

The man's naked, mauled corpse was found inside the bear habitat, along
with several mobile phones, bricks, and plenty of beer cans. His clothes
were completely undamaged, suggesting that he approached the bears
bare-naked. The bears, fearing that his intentions were as dishonorable
as they were ill-informed, meted out a summary justice.

Later, Masha and Misha "reacted angrily" when keepers tried to recover
the man's corpse, but were eventually persuaded to give up their tasty
prize. We await word on how many beers were bartered for the body.

(Thanks, JM)

1 comment:

cappy. said...

i love LOVE the darwins!!

keep me entertained for hours!