Saturday, February 24, 2007

Italian Grandma

An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife:

"You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I am inna apartmenta 301. There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow pushabutton 301. I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow pusha 3. When you get out, I'm a on the left. With you elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma, that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?

"What . . . you coming empty handed? "


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Friday, February 23, 2007

Safe Sex Dress



If the theory is right, you won't catch any sexually transmitted diseases wearing this one...

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Wednesday, February 21, 2007

salary increase

One day an employee sends a letter to Her boss asking for an increase in her salary

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing$ mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of your worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company .

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

$incerely Your$,
Marian $hih

------------

The next day, the employee received a nice reply like this :

Dear Marian

I kNOw what you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet .

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad .

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean .

Yours truly,
Manager


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Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Pancake Day Special

Click on image for larger version


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Monday, February 19, 2007

Letter to My Husband

To my darling husband,

Before you return from your overseas trip, I just want to let you know
about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the
driveway. Fortunately I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too
much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I
accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The
garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it
bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will
forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture for you. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms
again.

Your loving wife.

P.S. Your girlfriend called.




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Sunday, February 18, 2007

Divorce Letter

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good...!!! I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!


Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!" but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99... After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed: Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem


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