Saturday, March 31, 2007

Mirror mirror on the wall


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Friday, March 30, 2007

Timekeeping

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss's wife, taken illegal drugs, and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people werenot all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."

Thursday, March 29, 2007

X-ray

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

50th Anniversary

On the evening of their 50th anniversary, a reminiscing wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired Marine pilot, and said: "Honey, do you remember this?"

He looked up from his newspaper and said: "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."

She said, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?"

He nodded and said, "Yes dear, I still remember."

"Well, what was it?" she asked.

He was not much in the mood for this, but he sighed and responded, "Well, honey, as I remember, I said; 'Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out.'"

She giggled and said; "Yes dear, that's it. That's exactly what you said. So now it's 50 years later, and I'm in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?"

He looked her up and down and replied, "Mission accomplished."


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Monday, March 26, 2007

Remind me...


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Sunday, March 25, 2007

Gas can

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas.

As luck would have it, an Exxon Gasoline station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas.

The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned.

Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that he could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient.

Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched from across the street.

One of the them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic."


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