Saturday, April 14, 2007

Exotic Pet

This gorgeous blond goes into her local pet shop in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Comes with complete instructions."

The blonde excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one."

As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, "Just follow the instructions".

The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is specified:

1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightgown.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog beside you, and the frog will do what he has been trained to do.

She quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise, nothing happens. The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store."

So the blonde calls the pet shop. The man says, "I'll be right over."

Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just sits there."

The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares into its eyes and says very sternly: "Look, I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

So long and thanks for all the fish

Well that's it!

I started this site to place all those email jokes that people have sent me over the years, somewhere other than my inbox. I've posted one every day for 596 days, including extra ones sent to me by loyal readers.

I hope you've all had a good laugh and on the odd occasion that a relative or friend sends me a new one I'll probably post it. But from now on it will be sporadic rather than daily.

Tha... th... tha... th... that's all folks!




With thanks to Cappy for this one

Monday, April 09, 2007

Samurai

An emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new chief samurai warrior.

Only three applied for the job; Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish samurai.

"Demonstrate your skills," commanded the emperor.

The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opening a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his sword and, Swish! The fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two.

The Chinese samurai smiled, then opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his sword. Swish! Swish! The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.

No. 3 samurai stepped forward, released a fly, and drew his sword. SWOOOOOOOOSH! The speed of his sword created a gust of wind. The fly let out a high-pitched sound, but continued to fly around.

"What kind of skill is that?" asked the emperor. "The fly isn't even dead."

"Dead, schmead," replied the Jewish samurai. "Dead is easy. But circumcision - that takes skill!"

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Bad Easter Jokes

How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
EGG-xercise and HARE-robics!

What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar bill and a crazy rabbit?
One is bad money, the other is a mad bunny!

Why did the easter egg hide?
He was a little chicken!

Knock knock
Who's there?
Esther
Esther who?
Esther Bunny!

How many Easter eggs can you put in an empty basket?
Only one – after that it’s not empty any more!

Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke?
It might crack up!

How does Easter end?
With the letter R!

What’s yellow, has long ears, and grows on trees?
The Easter Bunana!

How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been?
Eggs (X) marks the spot!

How did the Easter Bunny rate the Easter parade?
He said it was eggs-cellent!

How do you catch the Easter Bunny?
Hide in a bush and make a noise like a carrot!

What do you call a rabbit that tells good jokes?
A funny bunny!

What’s the best way to send a letter to the Easter Bunny?
Hare mail!

Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?
Because the powder puff is on the other end!

How does the Easter Bunny travel?
By hare plane!

How does the Easter Bunny keep his fur neat?
With a hare brush!

How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
Have you ever seen the Easter Bunny wearing glasses?


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