Saturday, August 11, 2007

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux are sitting at the Spunky Monkey, drinking beer.

Thibodeaux turns to Boudreaux and says, "Man, you know, I'm tired of going tru life wit'out a education. Tomorrow I tink I'll go down the bayou to the community college and git me some classes."

Boudreaux says "Why, Thibodeaux, das a good idea."

The next day Thibodeaux gets in his piroque and goes down to the college and meets the dean of admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

Logic?" Thibodeaux says. "Wha's dat?"

The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weed eater?"

"Why sho," replies Thibodeaux.

"Then logically, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard."

"Das true, I do have some land on da bayou."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house."

"Mah, yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."

"Mah, yes I have a family, too."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife."

"Yes, I do have a wife."

"And because you have a wife, then logically you must be a
heterosexual."

"A hetero what?" Thibodeaux asks.

The dean explains the term to Thibodeaux and he says "Why, yes, I am a heterosexual. Das amazing, you were able to find out all dat because I have a weed eater."

Excited to take the class now, Thibodeaux shakes the dean's hand and leaves to go meet Boudreaux at the Spunky Monkey.

He tells Boudreaux about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Boudreaux says, "Wha's dat?"

Thibodeaux says, "I'll show you. Do you have a weed eater?"

"Mah, no."

"Then you're a queer."

(In and around Louisiana, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux jokes are prolific. They are what we call Cajuns. )

Friday, August 10, 2007

Dating a Prostitute

A guy is on a date with this girl, so he takes her to Lover's Lane.

When they get up there, she says, ''I have to be honest with you, I'm a hooker.''

The guy thinks about this for a short time and says it's okay. He agrees to pay her $25 and they start having sex.

After they finish, the guy says, ''I have to be honest with you now. I'm a cab driver and it'll cost you $25 for me to drive you back into town.''

Thursday, August 09, 2007

A Nutty Game

A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.

As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up nuts!" And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, "Down nuts!" And they all sat. After a home run he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" And they all broke into applause and cheers.

Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.

The assistant replied, "Well... everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, 'PEANUTS!'"

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

The Scottie Dog Who Knew Karate

There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.

So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, “I need a good guard dog.”

And the clerk replied, “Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate.”

The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair.” The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, “Karate that table.” The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said “Karate my ass!”

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Black Testicles

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my
testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!"

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely....



A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ? "

Monday, August 06, 2007

I Like Your Thinking

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny.

"None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking."

Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Senseless

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.