Saturday, November 17, 2007

Blondevision

A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Two friends


Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to
feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world p roblems.

One day Bill didn't show up. Sam wasn't concerned; he thought Bill might have a cold or some urgent appointment. But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since Sam didn't know where Bill lived (the only time they ever got together was at the park) he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

After a month had passed, Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill. On his next visit to the park, however, Bill was sitting on their usual bench waiting for him.

Amazed and delighted, Sam exclaimed,"For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?:"

Bill replied, "I've been in jail."

"Jail?" cried Sam. "You?! What on earth for?"

"Well," Bill said, "you know Sue, that cute little blonde
waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?"

"Yes," said Sam, "I remember her. What about her?"

"Well, one day she filed rape charges against me. At age 89,
I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded guilty."

"The judge gave me 30 days for perjury."

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"When Kurds Attack"

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"My Two Baghdads"

"Diagnosis Heresy"

"Everybody Loves Saddam Or He'll Have Them Shot"

"Captured Iranian Soldiers Say the Darndest Things"

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Sunday, November 11, 2007

Pa Won't Like It

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."