Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever.

I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you
quit your job today & that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had
cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of
your soaps.

You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything
that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or
you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West
Virginia together! Have a great life!
****************************************************************************

Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you
& I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from
what you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining &
griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that
came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised
me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't
comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with
MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

And about those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99
price tag was still on them & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister
had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I
hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to
Jamaica , but when I got home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling
life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you
won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was
born Carl. I hope that's not a problem

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