Saturday, July 12, 2008

Bumper stickers for the aged, part 2





Thursday, July 10, 2008

Little Boy at Nude Beach

A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach in Miami.

As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother’s, so he goes back to ask her why.

She tells her son,”The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is."

The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does.

She replies, "The bigger THEY are, and the dumber the man is." Again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.

Shortly thereafter, the boy returns again, and promptly tells his Mother: "Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Little Johnny again

Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's house for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No."

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home from school and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Go do your homework."

After doing his homework, Johnny goes out to play & comes back home for supper and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

His mom says, "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"

He says, "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think . . .. I gave him my airplane glue."

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

The Injured Thumb

A man went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into it. This upset him, but he let it go. She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food. He let it go again. When she brought out his hot fudge sundae, her thumb was in the fudge and this was too much for him.

"Goddammit," said the man, "get your damn thumb out of my food!"

"Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm."

"Why don't you just shove it up your ass?" the man said angrily.

"That's what I do when I'm in the kitchen."

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. "Mummy, I was out in the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane..."

At this point Mummy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for dinner time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight..."

At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was out in the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Stuart used to do when Daddy was working abroad."

Mummy fainted!

Moral: Sometimes you need to just shut the f##k up and listen to the whole story before you interrupt!