Saturday, April 25, 2009

Donkey Boy walks into a bar...

Bob and Jim walk into a bar. Bob says, "Hey Donkeyboy, get me a drink." The bartender gets him a drink.

Bob says, "Donkeyboy, get me another drink." The bartender gets him another drink.

Finally, Jim asks the bartender, "Why does he call you Donkeyboy?"

"I don't know. Hehaw-hehaw-he always calls me that."

Friday, April 24, 2009

Man with a Horse walks into a bar...

A farmer walks into a bar with a horse. He says, "I will give any of you $1,000 if you can make my horse laugh."

A man yells, "I'll take that bet," and leads the horse into the men's room.

After a couple seconds, a loud braying laugh is heard from behind the door. The farmer screams to the man, "OK, I'll give you $2,000 if you can make my horse cry."

The man shouts, "You're on!"

After a few more seconds, the man exits with the horse trudging behind him with tears streaming down his long-snout. Flabbergasted, the farmer asks, "How did you do it?"

The man replies, "I said that my d**k was bigger than his and he laughed. Then I showed it to him."

Thursday, April 23, 2009

They all walk into a bar...

A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and asks, "Is this some kind of joke?"

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Walks into a bar...

A Native American walks into a bar with a cat, a bag of shit and a shotgun. He asks for a bottle of whiskey and immediately downs it. He throws the bag of shit up in the air, shoots it with his shotgun, and takes a big bite of the cat's ass.

The bartender asks, "Buddy, what the hell are you doing?"

The Native American responds, "I want to be like the white man: get drunk, shoot the shit and eat pussy."

Monday, April 20, 2009

Top `10 Reasons to Live in Manitoba

1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beachfront property.

2. Amusing town names like "Flin Flon" and "Winnipeg".

3. All your local bands make it big and move to Toronto.

4. The only province to ever violently rebel against the federal government.

5. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.

6. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.

7. You don't need a car, just take the canoe to work.

8. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.

9. Because of your license plate, you are still "friendly" even when you cut someone off.

10. Pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

The Husbands

The Englishman's, Irishman's and Scotsman's wives go shopping one day to a big department store. While they are there a fire breaks out. Everyone in the store is killed, including the three women.

Their husbands are summoned to the local police station where a policewoman breaks the news to them: "I'm afraid sirs, that we believe your wives were killed in the fire at the department store. However the fire was so intense we cannot identify the bodies. Only their handbags survived the blaze. Can you identify your wives' handbags from these three found in the store?"

The three men all look at the handbags and each one is able to identify one of the handbags as belonging to his wife. With all handbags accounted for the policewoman leaves the men to deal with their grief in peace.

The three men sit in silence for a while, then the Englishman opens his wife's handbag and rummages through the contents, finally pulling out a half-empty packet of cigarettes and says "All these years married and I never knew the old girl smoked."

The Scotsman looks into his wife's handbag and pulls out a half-empty bottle of scotch. "Jings, I knew her all that time an ah didnae ken ma missus drank."

The Irishman empties his wife's handbag onto the floor, looks through the contents and picks up a half empty packet of condoms. "Saints preserve us! All dese years an oi never knew me wife was a man."