Saturday, June 13, 2009

Lawyer Brains

A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound’ and another sign that says ‘Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a pound.’

So he asks the man behind the cash register, “how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer's worth 90.00?”

The man replies, “do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?”

Friday, June 12, 2009

Drowning Lawyer

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?

A: Shoot him before he hits the water.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

A Mother's worry...

A mother worries that her teenage daughter is having sex and might get pregnant, so she consults several parenting websites for advice.

Later that evening, as her daughter prepares for a date, the mother sits down to talk with her. "I know you are adult enough to make the right decision about your body. But I want you to please try to abstain from sex until you're married. If you must have sex, then please use protection."

Feeling proud of herself for being so pro-active, the mother hands her daughter a box of condoms.

The daughter laughs and hugs her mother. "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating a girl!"

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Bum out the bummer.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply.. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"

He said: "Who fucked up your hair?"

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Interesting and Legal. Medications from the past, part 2


Opium for Asthma

No comments.


Cocaine tablets (1900)

All stage actors, singers teachers and preachers had to have them for a maximum performance. Great to "smooth" the voice.


Cocaine drops for toothache

Very popular for children in 1885. Not only they relieved the pain, they made the children happy!


Opium for new-borns

I'm sure this would make them sleep well (not only the Opium, but 46% alcohol!!!!!)

And we worry about aspirin for children today???

Monday, June 08, 2009

Interesting and Legal. Medications from the past

Treatments from our great granny's time, very effective medication!
Might not have ACTUALLY cured anything but it SURE took away the caring about it aspect.

Bayer's Heroin

A bottle of Bayer's heroin. Between 1890 and 1910 heroin was sold as a non-addictive substitute for morphine. It was also used to treat children with strong cough.


Coca Wine

Metcalf Coca Wine was one of a huge variety of wines with cocaine on the market. Everybody used to say that it would make you happy and it would also work as a medicinal treatment.

Mariani wine

Mariani wine (1875) was the most famous Coca wine of its time. Pope Leo XIII used to carry one bottle with him all the time. He awarded Angelo Mariani (the producer) with a Vatican gold medal


Maltine

Produced by Maltine Manufacturing Company of New York . It was suggested that you should take a full glass with or after every meal. Children should take half a glass.


A paper weight

A paper weight promoting C.F. Boehringer & Soehne ( Mannheim , Germany ). They were proud of being the biggest producers in the world of products containing Quinine and Cocaine

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Mysterious Hole at the Nudist Camp

Q: What are they doing about the mysterious hole discovered at the Carefree Nudist Camp?

A: Nothing -- the police won't look into it.