The Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink."
"Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober."
"Hey, Patrick, do I hear you spitting in the vase on the mantelpiece?"
"No, Nora, but I'm getting closer all the time !"
Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink.
Quinn thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk !!
Mike lay dying on his bed when his wife Brigid came in to him and asked if there was anything he wanted.
Mike said, "Brigid, what is that delicious smell coming from the kitchen?"
And Brigid replied "Oh, Mike, that is a ham I am baking."
Mike thought, and said "Brigid, as my dying wish I would love to have some of that ham you're cooking."
Then Brigid said "Oh, Mike, I'm saving that for the wake!!"
"Did you hear that Flanagan invented an invisible deodorant?"
"No, what good is it?"
"Well if you use, you vanish and no one knows where the smell is coming from."