Friday, March 26, 2010

More Man bashing jokes

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,

"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends,'" I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ..."

And they say blondes are dumb...

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A couple is lying in bed.

The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman replies,  "I'll miss you..."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor

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Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.

AMEN
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Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'



(these jokes were sent by a man. Just laugh. Hey, I laugh at blonde jokes if they're funny. )

Thursday, March 25, 2010

The Why's of Men

 1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(because they are plugged into a genius)

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2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?

(they don't have enough time)

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3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

(they don't stop to ask directions)

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4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?

(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

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5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

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6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

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7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

(don't know.....it never happened)

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8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)


(jokes courtesy of Kim Ayres)