tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-165009532024-03-13T00:12:43.096+00:00Joke MailLike most people with e-mail I've been receiving jokes of dubious quality from friends for a number of years. I thought I'd post them on a blog site.
I make no apologies for the fact that you have probably read them all before.Kim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.comBlogger439125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-68274734347530218792018-12-04T19:25:00.001+00:002023-01-25T10:36:22.425+00:00Not all he's cracked up to be...Kim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-199659608084682512006-12-26T08:00:00.000+00:002006-12-24T09:16:45.337+00:00Some of Santa's reply lettersDeer Santa,I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.Yer Friend, BillyDear Billy,Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. I've left you a book so you can learn to read and spellI'm gave your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.Santa**********Dear Santa,I've been a good girl all year & the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in Kim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-83264559980351895042006-12-25T08:00:00.000+00:002008-12-10T03:39:06.547+00:00Message from SantaKim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-72691680940286687442006-12-24T08:38:00.000+00:002006-12-24T09:10:42.909+00:00The Science of SantaOf course all of this came as a shock to me, on account of me believing in Santa. Guess I'm not getting any presents now ...There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 Kim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-86816620458533446972006-12-23T09:11:00.000+00:002006-12-23T09:07:52.967+00:00Xmas PartyA couple was invited to a swanky masked Christmas Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour,Kim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-23452189628620393702006-12-22T07:51:00.000+00:002008-12-10T03:39:06.716+00:00The Day the Elves Won the LotteryKim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-43680302496682905142006-12-21T07:52:00.000+00:002008-12-10T03:39:06.951+00:00Where Icicles Come FromKim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-68993286825331698332006-12-20T08:04:00.000+00:002008-12-10T03:39:07.138+00:00Mexican FoodKim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-21668641687614751552006-12-19T08:14:00.000+00:002008-12-10T03:39:07.386+00:00Wear a sealtbeltKim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-66363008670914386432006-12-18T08:27:00.000+00:002008-12-10T03:39:07.534+00:00How to Tell You've Been Really BadKim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-81965099042334489372006-12-17T08:18:00.000+00:002008-12-10T03:39:07.672+00:00Couldn't find the carrot, so...Kim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-38528112000073861882006-12-16T08:27:00.000+00:002006-12-16T09:09:48.021+00:0050 dollars is 50 dollarsMorris and his wife Esther went to the State Fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter."Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is $50, and $50 is $50".One year Esther and Morris went to the Fair and Morris said "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance."Esther replied "Kim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-15431361039357071042006-12-15T08:31:00.000+00:002006-12-15T08:28:29.377+00:00Why only women's letters to Dear Abby are printedDear Abby,I've never written to you before, but I really need advice.I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, and when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."I stay awake to look out for her taxiKim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-8863390405222778512006-12-13T08:07:00.000+00:002006-12-13T08:14:54.576+00:00More Tech SupportCustomer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?Customer: Yeah....Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!--Kim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-2419539102455417232006-12-12T08:18:00.000+00:002006-12-12T08:15:12.185+00:00To Be Frank...A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."Passenger: "Who?"Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Frank every single time."Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."Kim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-89564335197228249922006-12-11T07:25:00.000+00:002006-12-11T07:40:25.068+00:00Revenge on SantaSanta not bring you what you wanted last year? Here are a few ideas to mess with his head...Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your Kim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-24257216338136768442006-12-10T09:05:00.000+00:002006-12-10T09:26:58.717+00:00Dear God...It's looming, so let's get a seasonal joke underway. With thanks to Jupiter's Girl for this one:*********There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.The letter read:"Dear God,I am an Kim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-57823774775096856572006-12-09T07:56:00.000+00:002008-12-10T03:39:07.922+00:00ManagementClick for larger imageKim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-77611155665587183132006-12-07T08:21:00.000+00:002006-12-07T08:21:22.091+00:007 reasons not to mess with a childA little girl: was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.The little girl: stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.Irritated, the teacher: reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.The little girl: said, "When Kim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-83282439518002157122006-12-06T07:55:00.000+00:002006-12-06T08:14:18.033+00:00Fortune TellerA woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: "There is no easy way to say this so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent death this year."Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candleKim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-25801050450067550162006-12-05T08:44:00.000+00:002006-12-05T08:43:07.546+00:00Women Drivers- Top 10No 10No 9No 8No 7No 6No 5No 4BronzeSilver Gold (Helmet is on backwards) Kim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-49410262649524386272006-12-04T07:36:00.000+00:002006-12-04T07:49:49.723+00:00SuckerKim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-53957768880223785732006-12-03T08:22:00.000+00:002006-12-03T08:28:01.864+00:00Soldier and the NunA soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there, He asked her, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I'll explain why later.The nun agreed to his request. Shortly thereafter, two MPs came running along and asked her if she had seen a soldier running down the road.She replied, "He went that way".After the MPs disappeared, the soldier Crawled out from Kim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-51005002038383006142006-12-02T08:14:00.000+00:002006-12-02T08:53:40.869+00:00The Department of the EnvironmentRead the whole thing. This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter(This is the State's Letter!)SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm CountyDear Mr. DeVries:It has come to the attention of Kim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-79882269646648767232006-12-01T08:25:00.000+00:002006-12-01T09:04:30.853+00:00The RedheadA man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye Kim Ayreshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02656677501116622953noreply@blogger.com4