tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-165009532012-01-08T09:34:30.654ZLike most people with e-mail I've been receiving jokes of dubious quality from friends for a number of years. I thought I'd post them on a blog site. I make no apologies for the fact that you have probably read them all before.Kim Ayresnoreply@blogger.comBlogger14971100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-9981971439401143912011-11-17T11:35:00.001Z2011-11-17T11:38:00.341Z

If Microsoft had been the first to invent books: 1. Before you can open the cover of your new book, you must obtain a book activation code by phoning Microsoft. 2. Sorry, only one person may ever read your book. 3. It's full of spelling mistakes and typos. 4. When you're reading your book, the type can mysteriously disappear. 5. Libraries, which are for sharing books, are illegal. 6. You

Kim Ayresnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-5284144829088295372010-12-25T06:02:00.001Z2010-12-25T06:02:00.272Z

There once was a czar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great. He was standing in his house one day with his wife. He looked out the window and saw something happening. He says to his wife, "Look honey. It's raining." She, being the obstinate type, responded, "I don't think so, dear. I think it's snowing." But Rudolph knew better. So he says to his wife, "Let's step outside and we'll find

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-31138426734843546982010-12-24T05:58:00.002Z2010-12-24T05:58:00.416Z

It wasn't long off Christmas and Billy and Ben decided to build an ice skating rink in the middle of their pasture. A shepherd happened to be leading his flock nearby and decided to take a shortcut across the frozen field. But the sheep were scared of the ice and wouldn't go onto it. The shepherd became frustrated and began pulling them along to the other side. "Look at that," said Billy. "That

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-33180888394936397512010-12-23T15:57:00.000Z2010-12-23T15:57:17.957Z

Just before Christmas, two brothers were spending the night at their Grandmother's house. At bed time, they knelt down to say their prayers. As they closed their eyes, one boy said in a loud voice, "Dear Lord, please ask Santa Claus to bring me a Wii, a telescope and a new bike." His older brother said, "Why are you shouting? God isn't deaf." "I know," said his brother, "but Grandma is."

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-61201896922937363252010-12-20T14:01:00.000Z2010-12-20T14:01:04.082Z

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-7929836084583922572010-12-17T07:42:00.000Z2010-12-17T07:42:00.958Z

A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examining his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating." The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?" The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-90607468138972743252010-12-16T09:22:00.003Z2010-12-16T09:22:00.139Z

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F" (letters only). He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T" (letters only)." She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T." The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-49929782437082678982010-12-15T07:38:00.002Z2010-12-15T07:38:00.580Z

15. A little too much joie de vivre while demonstrating the erector set, if you know what I mean. 14. Every time you're passed over for a promotion, you stick your head in an Easy Bake Oven and threaten to "end it all." 13. You got caught adding a garage to your house using embezzled Lego bricks. 12. Numerous parental complaints about your "Tickle Me Carl The Stock boy" display. 11. You

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-52524814996180254552010-12-14T07:32:00.000Z2010-12-14T07:32:00.233Z

14) You discover that "Chesty McBust" isn't her real name, and she's dialing in from Langley, VA. 13) You: Large, hairy man. Your online girlfriend: Large, hairy man. 12) Her postmaster rejects your e-mail not as "undeliverable" but as "unlikely to get you anywhere." 11) After months of shared experiences and emotional investments, she attacks you in the Mines of Quarn with a Vorpal Sword

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-16803198330190667662010-12-13T17:35:00.002Z2010-12-13T17:35:46.798Z

A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week." "I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter." "For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-35252037078028835402010-12-13T14:54:00.001Z2010-12-13T14:54:00.100Z

1. You notice your tie sticking out of your fly. 2. Someone uses your tongue for a coaster. 3. You start kissing the portraits on the wall. 4. You see your underwear hanging from the chandelier. 5. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off. 6. You strike a match and light your nose. 7. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad. 8. You hear someone say, "

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-25882692652246050542010-12-10T14:52:00.000Z2010-12-10T14:52:29.680Z

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip...but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves were sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-193626843973445602010-11-11T18:13:00.002Z2010-11-11T18:13:26.982Z

Calories are the little bastards that get into your wardrobe at night and sew your clothes tighter. MY CLOSET IS INFESTED WITH THE LITTLE SHITS!

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-3984284711187639392010-10-28T20:54:00.000+01:002010-10-28T20:54:00.504+01:00

DARWIN AWARDS honor those who do the most to improve our genepool-- by removing  themselves from it, thereby ensuring that the next gene is descended from one fewer idiot. AWARD WINNER. ALERT! Another Grand Canyon tourist, who was leaping from precipice to precarious precipice, made the plunge. Do you suppose that those two words have the same roots, 'precipice' and 'precarious'? It seems

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-36730414877668547452010-10-18T11:53:00.001+01:002010-10-18T11:54:06.806+01:00

* Do you have feelings of inadequacy? * Do you suffer from shyness? * Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive? * Do you suffer exhaustion from the day to day grind? If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas. Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Margaritas can help ease

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-89961367045148194302010-10-16T17:05:00.001+01:002010-10-16T17:06:32.209+01:00

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.  You will see no cute little smiley faces on this ~ Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship. 1. When you are sad ~ I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-43727141325490416542010-05-16T14:44:00.001+01:002010-05-16T14:44:00.290+01:00

10. Cats' facial expressions. 9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors. 8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds. 7. Fat clothes. 6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time. 5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell. 4. Cutting your hair to make it grow. 3. Eyelash curlers. 2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-87638339385480993362010-05-15T14:37:00.002+01:002010-05-15T14:37:00.312+01:00

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES" 1.  Everyone around you has an attitude problem. 2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet. 3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans. 4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say. 5. You 're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-". 6.  

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-91030848814269425072010-05-14T14:37:00.001+01:002010-05-14T14:39:23.292+01:00

Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is enough. Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right after he finishes college. Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth. Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational. A: So what's your question? Q : My

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-71754537339086598782010-05-06T15:04:00.001+01:002010-05-06T15:08:06.440+01:00

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day......... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-35276824795976356862010-03-26T08:38:00.000Z2010-03-26T08:38:00.066Z

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends,'" I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ..." And they say blondes are dumb... ----------------------------------------------- A couple is lying in

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-69905904039073989612010-03-25T18:38:00.002Z2010-03-25T18:49:47.622Z

 1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (because they are plugged into a genius) ----------------------------------------------- 2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX? (they don't have enough time) ----------------------------------------------- 3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions) ----------------------------------------------- 4.

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-30945175133273703202010-03-17T18:01:00.001Z2010-03-17T18:03:22.424Z

The Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink." "Don't worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober." "Hey, Patrick, do I hear you spitting in the vase on the mantelpiece?" "No, Nora, but I'm getting closer all the time !" Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn thinks he's very lucky

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-5656854501173916852010-03-15T17:00:00.000Z2010-03-15T17:00:09.425Z

1. Der's only one God, ya know. 2. Don't make that fish on your mantle an idol. 3. Cussin ain't Minnesota nice. 4. Go to church even when you're up nort. 5. Honor your folks. 6. Don't kill. Catch and release. 7. There's only one Lena for every Ole. No cheatin. 8. If it ain't your lutefisk, don't take it. 9. Don't be braggin bout how much snow ya shoveled. 10. Keep your mind off your

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-60983094656195005342010-01-31T17:03:00.000Z2010-01-31T17:03:04.599Z

A Cajun who died went to hell. The devil assigned him the usual punishment...put him in the mass pit where the heat was melting others. The devil came back sometime later surprised to find the Cajun just sitting around, not even misting, much less sweating. "How come you're not so much as sweating here where everyone else is screaming for relief from the heat?" The Cajun laughed and said, "

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-7459921945521446462010-01-30T07:36:00.000Z2010-01-30T07:36:00.930Z

An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet. He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it." She turns to him with a smirk and

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-72128455728612778512010-01-29T17:35:00.000Z2010-01-29T17:35:48.921Z

Bob and Bill are driving down the road going about 85 mph. Up comes a red light and Bob goes right through it. Bill turnes to Bob and says, ''What the hell are you doing?'' Bob says, ''Don't worry—my brother does it all the time.'' So on they go, and — bam! — 85 mph through another red light! Again Bob says, ''Don't worry, my brother does it all the time!'' Then they're driving along and

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-33765939918181113692010-01-20T14:02:00.002Z2010-01-20T14:03:41.328Z

10. I think of you as a brother. Translation: You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in 'Deliverance.' 9. There's a slight difference in our ages. Translation: I don't want to do my dad. 8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. Translation: You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes on. 7. My life is too complicated right now. Translation: I don't want you spending the

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-63681450675885981842010-01-17T22:57:00.000Z2010-01-17T22:57:23.185Z

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-23633721450320306712010-01-11T05:58:00.000Z2010-01-11T05:58:00.196Z

Did you hear about the thoughtful Scotsman who was heading out to the pub ? He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, 'Margaret - put your hat and coat on lassie.' She replied, ' Awe Jock that's nice - are you taking me to the pub with you ?' 'Nah, Jock replied, I'm switching the central heating off while I'm oot.'

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-6073904934189914092010-01-10T15:54:00.002Z2010-01-10T15:56:35.153Z

Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you hear, or are out to repeat a rumor. In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students...?" "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-32326605552293482262009-12-24T17:24:00.000Z2009-12-24T17:24:04.968Z

Watson stops by to wish Holmes a Merry Christmas and finds him hanging his tree with ornaments that look like model atoms, lettered in glitter H, C, Fe, O, N, &c.  "Good Heavens!" he exclaims, "What is that?"  "Why, Watson," Holmes replies calmly, "it's an element tree."  *** Two atoms rushing down a busy street bump into each other and one goes  sprawling. The other helps him up and asks, "

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-35985897543545447932009-12-23T02:22:00.000Z2009-12-23T02:22:00.194Z

I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds. 1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-33615020247949734582009-12-22T04:21:00.000Z2009-12-22T04:21:38.690Z

Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull his pants down? A: He heard the snowblower coming. Q: Why doesn't Santa have any children? A: Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down a chimney. Q: Why did Santa have to have his balls removed? A: Because he'd carried his sack over his shoulders one too many times.

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-45138321573115620982009-12-15T15:31:00.001Z2009-12-15T15:33:46.656Z

NEWS RELEASE // 13 December 2009 DARWIN AWARDS commemorate those individuals who give their all to improve the gene pool--by removing themselves from it!  This award is generally bestowed posthumously. TENNESSEE PEE: Darwin Award -- UNCONFIRMED / Seeking Confirmation. (mid-1980s, Tennessee) A mile down the road from Middle Tennessee State University, a couple of young, very drunk MTSU frat

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-5413505700084435892009-12-11T19:17:00.000Z2009-12-11T19:17:07.570Z

Please note these number relate to the hours of the day.

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-55987901291563182472009-12-09T18:08:00.000Z2009-12-09T18:08:23.164Z

THINGY (thing-ee) n. For a female: Any part under a car's hood. For a male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male: Playing football without a helmet. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male: Scratching out a note before

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-6683054072881606772009-12-05T06:52:00.000Z2009-12-05T06:52:00.183Z

Q: What do a man and a rollercoaster have in common? A: You wait three hours for a two-minute ride Q: What do you call a male strip club? A: A cockpit What do anniversaries and toilets have in common? Men always miss both of them. Why are women's wedding dress' colored white? It already matches the kitchen appliances. How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: That's

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-51077834820471994752009-12-04T16:51:00.002Z2009-12-04T16:51:22.544Z

Wife #1: Hey, Lynn, tell me this. How did you get your husband from staying out late? Wife #2: Well, everytime he would come home I would simply say, 'Mike, is that you?' Wife #1: But I still don't understand. How did that kept him from staying out? Wife #2: My husband's name is Andrew.

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-16916102454023734062009-12-02T17:38:00.002Z2009-12-02T17:38:27.344Z

Three men discuss the Christmas presents they bought for their wives. The first man says that he bought his wife a vacation home in the Bahamas and one in Jamaica. "That way," he explains, "if she doesn't like one, she can use the other." The second man says he had bought his wife a sports car and a limo for exactly the same reason. The third man says, "I bought my wife a negligee and a

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-43984703869671195582009-12-01T03:34:00.000Z2009-12-01T03:34:00.156Z

It is a normal drill day at the Marine base in Virginia. The whole regiment is lined up in formation, and the colonel is walking around inspecting people. There are rows of marines stacked behind one another waiting to be inspected. The colonel gets to the first squad leader, stands in front of him and punches him in the stomach the hardest he can. After about a minute, the squad leader catches

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-77401238708397449212009-11-30T13:32:00.000Z2009-11-30T13:32:19.395Z

A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they're at sea for so long. "Let me show you," says the captain. He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there's a solitary barrel

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-9639916060282667372009-11-27T14:07:00.001Z2009-11-27T14:07:41.726Z

A blonde gets lost in her car in a snowstorm. She remembers her father's advice, "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Soon a snow plow comes by, and she follows it for about 45 minutes. Finally, the driver of the truck gets out and asks her what she is doing. She explains the advice her father had given her. The driver says, "Well, I'm done with the parking

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-54108235967968178452009-11-25T12:47:00.002Z2009-11-25T12:47:42.532Z

Three railroad workers, a Chinese man, an Italian, and a redneck, are all sitting down to lunch. The Chinese man says, "If I get another egg roll in my lunch, I'll kill myself." The Italian guy says, "If I get another slice of pizza, I'll kill myself." The redneck says, "Iffin I get another ham hock, I'll kill myself." The next day, all three men get the same lunches, so they throw

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-15707891049533602612009-11-24T14:36:00.000Z2009-11-24T14:36:28.154Z

This is creepy! Think of a letter between A and W Repeat it out loud as you scroll down Keep going Don't stop Think of an animal that begins with that letter Repeat it out loud as you scroll down. Think of either a man's or a woman's name that begins with the last letter in the animal's name. Almost there. Now count out the

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-74561274619723623502009-11-21T17:28:00.000Z2009-11-21T17:28:44.673Z

SPARKLEBERRY LANE / PAINT IT BLACK -- Darwin Award -- Confirmed True July 2009, South Carolina | Two disguised men entered the Sprint store on Sparkleberry Lane, pulled out guns, and stole wallets, purses, and credit cards before ordering the employees into a bathroom. Both men fled, but they could not flee from their own stupidity. 24-year-old James Thomas had disguised himself by

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-78728709415901256032009-11-20T16:50:00.002Z2009-11-20T16:51:08.534Z

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye. CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people. CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead. COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out. EGOTIST: Someone who is

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-53001876657175361052009-11-16T16:18:00.000Z2009-11-16T16:18:02.096Z

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-23043941007231823672009-11-14T06:05:00.000Z2009-11-14T06:05:00.856Z

There is an accordion player driving home from a late night gig. Feeling tired, he pulls into a local store for some coffee. While waiting to pay, he remembers that he locked his car doors but left the accordion in plain view on the back seat of his car! He rushes out only to realize that he is too late. The back window of his car was smashed and somebody had already thrown in two more accordions

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-13691462044591125032009-11-13T16:03:00.003Z2009-11-20T16:52:19.620Z

The king of a small African nation had an elegant golden throne in his large grass hut. When an old friend came to visit from another nation, he was worried that the man would discover he was a king and treat him differently. He searched frantically for a place to hide the throne, but to no avail. Finally, he decided to have it wedged up in the ceiling of his hut. When his friend arrived, he

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-39385032046759609212009-11-08T05:50:00.000Z2009-11-08T05:50:01.986Z

A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterward the pastor asked the man where he had gone. ''I went to get a haircut,'' was the reply. "But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?" "Because," the gentleman said, "I didn't need one then."

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-25427873623251457582009-11-07T05:42:00.000Z2009-11-07T05:42:00.246Z

WOMEN WINNING DARWIN AWARDS?!Crazy! We haven't seen this many since never. Four below, and just coming across my desk is this report: Angela's mother admits her daughter was "always in a party mode." The 20-year-old woman was playing Nintendo in the passenger seat of a pickup when she threw her head out the open window; she was killed when her head struck several mailboxes. Authorities said

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-76477304038515062662009-11-06T15:39:00.002Z2009-11-06T15:42:29.390Z

As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither. Harold Sclumberg is such a person.I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?" Well..I'm

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-55954816279190088832009-11-04T20:31:00.001Z2009-11-04T20:34:37.401Z

A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.BUMP...BUMP...BUMP...Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.FASTER...FASTER...BUMP...BUMP..

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-48865180686287417152009-11-01T06:47:00.000Z2009-11-01T06:47:00.302Z

10. Does this come in children's sizes? 9. No, thanks. I'm just sniffing. 8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind. 7. Mom will love this!!! 6. Oh, the size won't matter, she's inflatable. 5. That's okay. You don't have to wrap it, I'll eat it here! 4. Will you model this for me? 3. Miracle what? This is better than world peace! 2. 45 bucks?! You're just going to end up naked anyway! 1. And

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-35244091909148209552009-10-31T06:44:00.000Z2009-10-31T06:44:00.232Z

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said. "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?" "My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny. "Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted. "No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own freakin'

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-21931991837646639302009-10-30T06:32:00.000Z2009-10-30T06:32:00.324Z

A penguin walks into a bar and asks for a sandwich and a pint! The bartender is astounded by this talking flightless bird and asks about his life. The penguin goes on to explain that he is working at the building site across the road. Weeks go by and the penguin becomes a regular lunchtime fixture at the bar. One day a circus comes to town and who should walk into the pub, but the ringmaster. He

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-3680397024570078022009-10-29T16:27:00.000Z2009-10-29T16:32:41.125Z

One day Adam's teacher told the class that everyone must find out a moral for the next day's class.One boy came in and said, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."The second boy said, "Don't judge a book by it's cover."Then Adam came in with a broken jaw and black eyes and said, "I asked my Uncle Johnny for a moral and he told me to shut up. I told him he had to help me because it was

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-53201264089587854272009-10-28T12:27:00.000Z2009-10-28T12:30:40.515Z

A sad man walks into a bar, and the bartender asks him what the problem is. "My life is awful," the man says. "Every night, I play Trivial Pursuit with my wife, and every night she beats me." "Well, why don't you just stop playing Trivial Pursuit?" the bartender asks. "I love the game," the man says. "I'm a genius. I never lose." The bartender is confused. "I thought you just said your wife beats

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-79272483816997837602009-10-24T20:23:00.000+01:002009-10-24T20:26:11.974+01:00

A team of archaeologists found a slab of rock with 5 figures carved on it, in order:A Woman, A Donkey, A Shovel, A Fish, A Star of David. After months of study, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were thousands of years old but even so, they revealed a lot about the people of that time.The woman being placed first in the line of figures showed that women

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-4053285208732543842009-10-23T17:23:00.000+01:002009-10-23T17:27:05.374+01:00

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute."Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"The lawyer mulled this over

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-63549506743034537562009-10-22T15:07:00.001+01:002009-10-22T15:10:42.396+01:00

Two Americans open a bungee jumping business in Mexico. They set up on the square of a small village.Bob jumps, bounces at the end of the cord and flies back up by the platform. Jeff isn't able to catch his friend, but he notices that Bob has a few cuts and scratches.Bob falls again, bounces, and comes back up. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, Jeff misses pulling Bob up.The third

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-76097258035486729922009-10-21T16:44:00.002+01:002009-10-21T16:47:06.224+01:00

A lady walks into a bar and says, "Barkeep, gimme a martooni." The bartender goes back and fixes her a martini. She downs it and says, "Barkeep, gimme another martooni." So he goes back and fixes her another martini. She downs that, and just sits there and doesn't say anything. Finally after about 10 minutes bartender says, "Would you like another?" She says, "Oh, no, I got this terrible

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-73844156461122578362009-10-20T06:47:00.000+01:002009-10-20T06:47:00.704+01:00

A group of country friends from the Cottonwood Baptist Church wanted to get together on a regular basis to socialize, and play games. The lady of the house was to prepare the meal.When it came time for Al and Janet to be the hosts, Janet wanted to outdo all the others. Janet decided to have mushroom-smothered steak, but, mushrooms are expensive. She then told her husband, no mushrooms, they are

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-56851719571442075472009-10-19T15:23:00.000+01:002009-10-19T15:26:13.429+01:00

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-89989796022356924352009-10-18T06:34:00.000+01:002009-10-18T06:34:00.595+01:00

So, after looking at this, it is safe to say that your house is not so bad after all.....

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-12484065346966086342009-10-17T20:30:00.002+01:002009-10-17T20:36:22.662+01:00

This is an actual apartment..found in Houston after the evacuation for the hurricane.This is NOT hurricane damage....The apartment was found this way prior to the hurricane. Hard to believe there wasn't a fire with all the cigarettes.

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-12312844701825513692009-10-15T16:02:00.000+01:002009-10-15T16:11:52.203+01:00

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-85116235789603411742009-10-13T05:32:00.002+01:002009-10-13T17:07:14.539+01:00

Two ministers doing missionary work in the South Seas are captured by a tribe and tied to stakes. The chief says to them, "You have a choice – death, or ugga bugga." The first guy says, "Well, I guess ugga bugga." The chief shouts "UGGA BUGGA!" and 30 members of the tribe attack and sodomize the first missionary. The chief then asks the second minister, "Now you have a choice, death or ugga bugga

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-30128616868397837902009-10-12T05:48:00.001+01:002009-10-13T17:07:41.273+01:00

In honor of Christopher...Today, in America, government workers have the day off from work because of Columbus's voyage and accidental discovery of this continent. Well, he didn't actually discover it because people were living here already. No matter, it's still a holiday. I take no credit for these silly jokes. Where did Columbus first land in America? On his feet! Who was the first cat to

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-75647605899835579052009-10-11T05:26:00.000+01:002009-10-11T05:26:00.528+01:00

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv. "So there is an afterlife! What's it like?" Sid asks. "Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex.

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-10375422179077801922009-10-10T05:17:00.000+01:002009-10-10T05:17:00.650+01:00

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight.. Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob.

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-23031456812187997142009-10-09T15:14:00.001+01:002009-10-09T15:15:44.709+01:00

Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing. St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it. It heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street. Bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lilly pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-41492893814693134102009-10-08T05:39:00.000+01:002009-10-08T05:39:00.182+01:00

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-70514429578190402752009-10-07T05:36:00.001+01:002009-10-07T05:36:00.530+01:00

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-12998914986573851562009-10-06T05:34:00.000+01:002009-10-06T05:34:00.487+01:00

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-85738673978586892022009-10-05T05:36:00.000+01:002009-10-05T05:36:00.630+01:00

1. I want patience and I want it now!2. Dichotomy is the root of all evil.3. Anyone who judges others is horrible and evil.4. I cannot tolerate intolerance.5. I object to anyone who makes assumptions like the assumption that I assume you are making.6. If you feel guilty you should be ashamed of yourself.7. I am the most humble person on earth.8. I can be more self-righteous than anyone; I am just

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-57890696726051782942009-10-04T17:03:00.002+01:002009-10-04T17:18:10.794+01:00

For Women: Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. Drink a cup of coffee. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change - $20.00 Coffee - $1.00 Total - $21.00. For Men: Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner, and a scented tree. Discover

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-66373512913417520692009-10-02T06:20:00.000+01:002009-10-02T06:20:00.138+01:00

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-88211194022838965192009-10-01T06:04:00.002+01:002009-10-01T06:04:00.069+01:00

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-81138689358096414372009-09-30T06:03:00.001+01:002009-09-30T06:03:00.288+01:00

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-6038549259663689292009-09-29T15:52:00.001+01:002009-09-29T16:29:44.660+01:00

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-32775846550568547492009-09-28T22:42:00.000+01:002009-09-28T22:44:45.037+01:00

Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you hear, or are out to repeat a rumor.In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widelylauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosophercame upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedlyand said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard aboutone of your students...?""Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tellme, I'd like you to pass

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-85525788759847971862009-09-27T08:57:00.000+01:002009-09-27T08:57:00.150+01:00

A guy gets stopped by the bouncer at a nightclub. "You have to wear a tie," says the bouncer.The guy goes back to his car and finds a set of jumper cables, ties them around his neck, and goes back to the club.The bouncer lets him in but warns, "I'll be watching, so you better not start anything!"

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-8954505445574390592009-09-26T06:30:00.000+01:002009-09-26T06:30:00.735+01:00

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. One human hair can support 3kg (6.6 lb). The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb. Human thighbones are stronger than concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.Women blink twice as often as men. The average person's skin weighs twice

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-53572869307038262862009-09-25T05:47:00.000+01:002009-09-25T05:47:00.517+01:00

A mushroom goes into a bar and sits down to order a drink. The bartender walks over and says, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't serve your kind here." The mushroom sits back and asks ,"Why not? I'm a fun guy (fungi)!"

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-20285156597456191432009-09-24T05:41:00.001+01:002009-09-24T17:08:47.135+01:00

A man walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash. Once he is in the bar he tells all the patrons that are present that for a round of drinks from everyone in the bar he will insert his penis into the alligator's mouth and remove it unscathed. All the bar goers accepted the dare and each put up a drink. the man walks up to the alligator, takes his penis out of his pants and puts into the

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-75208159043882490422009-09-23T05:45:00.001+01:002009-09-23T05:45:00.368+01:00

A man was walking down the street and on the corner were 3 drunks trying to raise a telephone pole. They worked and worked and finally got the thing in the air. Two of of the drunks held the pole and the other climbed on top. He let down a a tape measure. This fellow couldn't take it any more so he asks what they were doing. They said, "We are measuring this pole."The man asks, "Why didn't you

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How many potheads does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, you all use candles.How many potheads does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who cares? You're all stoned.(jokes by Susan Messing/comedienne)

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-87120832100797575352009-09-17T15:53:00.005+01:002009-09-17T16:04:05.069+01:00

What's invisible and smells like carrots??? A: Bunny farts!Where do you find a turtle with no arms and no legs? A: Wherever you put it, dumbass.What kind of fish does a dog catch? A: Catfish.What do you call 2 fleas on top of a bald head? A: Homeless.How do you get a hippopotamus in a mini-van? A: Kick one of the elephants out.Who do donkeys journey to the top of the mountain to see? A: The

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-63204392674523730642009-09-14T14:47:00.000+01:002009-09-14T14:49:56.441+01:00

What is the difference between Bird Flu and Swine Flu? For bird flu you need tweetment and for swine flu you need oinkment.

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-25493622160302259182009-09-13T04:22:00.003+01:002009-09-13T04:22:00.062+01:00

DolphinExcellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms. Ananda BalasanaThis position is great for masaging the hip area. MalasanaThis position, for ankles and back muscles. PigeonTones the body, and builds flexibility and helps get rid of 'stress'. (Thanks to The Bearded One for providing this reason to laugh.)

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Research confirms that drinking gives you the same benefits as yoga. Much less training is required. SavasanaPosition of total relaxation. BalasanaPosition that brings the sensation of peace and calm.Setu Bandha SarvangasanaThis position calms the brain and heals tired legs. MarjayasanaPosition stimulates the midirift area and the spinal comumn. HalasanaExcellent for back pain and insomnia.

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Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-22095784567649521382009-09-03T14:50:00.000+01:002009-09-03T14:50:00.628+01:00

Dear:a) Family,b) Sweetheart,c) Assistant Principal,d) Sergeant,I am so verya) sorrya) damagedb) ashamedc) confusedabout this wholea) boondoggle.b) wang doodle.c) whatever I did that's making you so pissy.d) "pressing charges" thing.I simply could not control thea) jet ski.b) rocket booster.c) Zamboni.d) pods at the end of my arms and legs.And while it is true that I should not have headed in the

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-76841546855695469702009-09-02T14:47:00.000+01:002009-09-02T14:49:42.249+01:00

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!" The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-29255670370630053892009-08-31T16:42:00.000+01:002009-08-31T16:45:54.677+01:00

Thor mopes on Mt. Olympus. Zeus asks him why he looks so depressed. Thor says that he misses the companionship and love of a woman. Zeus tells Thor that he will fix the problem by sending Thor down to Earth.Thor lands in the backyard of a single woman. The two immediately start making love and continue all weekend.After the weekend Thor is back at Mt. Olympus with a big grin on his face. Zeus

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-3620407503167346052009-08-30T06:02:00.000+01:002009-08-30T06:02:00.219+01:00

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?""I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a

Jupiter's Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05071415384252770418noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16500953.post-3126236090853409032009-08-29T05:55:00.001+01:002009-08-29T19:14:52.888+01:00

A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire...Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build

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