Friday, August 03, 2007

"You know you're a redneck when...

1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7.You offer to give someone the shirt off your back, and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.


SafeTinspector said...

You know you're a redneck when you have a rare skin condition causing ruddy blemishes on or around your throat.

....get it?

Jupiter's Girl said...

I get it.

Really, the origins of the term involved a nutrient deficiency in isolated, backwoods communities which caused the necks to swell and turn red. It was a lack of blood, or oxygen flow to the brain - thereby causing the person with a red-neck to have a lower mentality and using very poor judgment.

Foot Eater said...

This is a classy series of jokes and I'll email it to all my friends, and probably the others as well.

Jupiter's Girl: thanks for the information. I never knew that, and always thought the name came from the sunburnt necks country folks get from hoeing the fields all day long.

I feel a story coming on, somewhere down the line.

Jupiter's Girl said...

FE, love your stories; you are so clever. Can't wait to see what the rednecks inspired you to write.