Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Darwin Awards

NEWS RELEASE // 13 December 2009

DARWIN AWARDS commemorate those individuals who give their all to improve the gene pool--by removing themselves from it!  This award is generally bestowed posthumously.

TENNESSEE PEE: Darwin Award -- UNCONFIRMED / Seeking Confirmation.
(mid-1980s, Tennessee) A mile down the road from Middle Tennessee State University, a couple of young, very drunk MTSU frat boys climbed a barbed wire fence that was intended to keep lesser mortals out of an electric substation. One frat boy climbed to the top of a transformer. That alone was an obviously bad idea, but it got worse when he urinated on the transformer on which he stood. As if electrocution via genitalia wasn't bad enough, consider his motivation to pee: a wasp nest "target" attached to the transformer. Needless to say, the wasps were the lesser of his worries. He did not live long.

Reference: Personal Account -- CAN YOU CONFIRM THIS STORY???

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WETTING THE BED -- Darwin Award -- Confirmed by Darwin

(27 October 2009, Arkansas) Thirty-year-old Devan LeAnn of Shongaloo, Louisiana, was visiting Lake Ehrling with a male friend. Recent bouts of heavy rain had resulted in a flood of runoff water, and they decided "it would be fun" to take a mattress careening down the surging water in the spillway.

Unfortunately Leann was riding a foam egg-crate style mattress pad, rather than a buoyant air mattress. Imagine a wet foam pad. Are you sinking yet? According to her friend, Devan LeAnn simply vanished from sight at dusk. The next morning her body was found in a tangle of trees 70 yards below the spillway.

Parents, warn your children! Wetting the bed can be deadly.

Reference: Arkanas Democrat-Gazette, Texarkana Gazette

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PAINKILLER -- Darwin Award -- Confirmed by Darwin

(17 October 2009, Minnesota) On October 26, charges were dismissed against Lucas William Stenning, 32, who six weeks earlier had pleaded guilty to knowingly violating registration required of a predatory offender. Charges were dismissed... because Lucas was dead.

In a related story, on the afternoon of October 17 in the city of Bock, an injured "hit and run victim" was reported. The pedestrian found on the side of the road died in the ambulance.

In a related story, police reported that a 32-year-old man had concocted a scheme to stage an accident in order to obtain prescription drugs. The plan was to jump out of a moving vehicle, become injured, go to the hospital and receive narcotic painkillers. That plan failed when its mastermind, Lucas William Stenning, died at the scene due to head injuries.

In other words: Lucas, 32, avoided a serious parole violation because he was deceased due to injuries he caused himself by leaping from a moving vehicle in order to obtain prescription painkillers.

Ouch!

Reference: Mille Lacs Messenger, Mille Lacs County Times

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...AND WHY DID THEY LET HIM OUT? -- Confirmed by Darwin

Honorable Mention / Near Miss
(17 July 2009, Germany) After a night spent carousing with friends, squeezing into the locker had seemed like an amusing idea to the man. He shut himself in a train station suitcase locker for fun, but the laughter faded as the oxygen supply ran short. His companions were unable to open the locked door and free the 20-year-old. With time running out, Ludwigshafen police broke open the door and dragged the groggy prankster to safety. 

Reports do not speculate on just WHY they let him out.