Who says guys aren't sentimental?

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sittingat the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?", she whisper's as she steps into the room, "Whyare you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

"Yes I do" she replies.

The husband paused; the words were not coming easily.

Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued, “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today".

Desert Island

One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon.

"It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.

Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned guy and says to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years," replies the stunned man.

With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh Man! Is that good!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" she asks him. Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him.

He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's absolutely fantastic!"

At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man seductively and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs,

"Oh, sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too?!?"

Men...

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.

Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.

Why don't women blink during foreplay?
They don't have time.

Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilise one egg?
They don't stop and ask for directions.

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.

What is the difference between men and government bonds?
The bonds mature.

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know; it has never happened.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.

When do you care for a man's company?
When he owns it.

Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught fire.

How do you get a man to do sit­ups?
Put the remote control between his toes.

What did God say after creating man?
I must be able to do better than that.

What did God say after creating Eve?
Practice makes perfect.

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They're married.

Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?"
God says: "So you would love her."
"But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."

New "Date Rape" Drug

Hamilton Police warn all clubbers, partygoers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

A new date rape drug on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. "Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.

Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer" men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.

For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.

BEWARE!!!