A recent study found out which days men prefer to have sex.
It was found that men preferred to engage in sexual activity on the days that started with the letter "T".
Examples of those days are as follows:
Tuesday
Thursday
Thanksgiving
Today
Tomorrow
Thaturday
Thunday
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Friday, October 06, 2006
Short Story
The girl was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible for her college class and the instructions were that it had to discuss Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.
She was the only one who received an A+ and this is what she wrote:
"Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it"
She was the only one who received an A+ and this is what she wrote:
"Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it"
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Biker Couple
There was this Biker Couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the Old Biker always insisted on shutting off the lights.
Well, after 20 years his Ol' Lady felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him of this crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down ... and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure device ... a vibrator ... soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She goes completely ballistic. "You impotent fake," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The Old Biker looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy, if you explain the kids."
Every time they made love the Old Biker always insisted on shutting off the lights.
Well, after 20 years his Ol' Lady felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him of this crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down ... and saw her husband was holding a battery operated pleasure device ... a vibrator ... soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She goes completely ballistic. "You impotent fake," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The Old Biker looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy, if you explain the kids."
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Political Quotes
A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. -- George Bernard Shaw
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. -- Douglas Casey (1992)
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke
Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. -- Frederic Bastiat
Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:
If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. -- Ronald Reagan (1986)
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the Facts. -- Will Rogers
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. -- P.J. O'Rourke
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. -- Pericles (430 B.C.)
No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. -- Mark Twain (1866)
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain
Talk is cheap-except when Congress does it. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. -- Ronald Reagan
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. --Winston Churchill
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. -- Mark Twain
We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. --Winston Churchill
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. -- Edward Langley
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. -- George Bernard Shaw
Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. -- Douglas Casey (1992)
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke
Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. -- Frederic Bastiat
Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases:
If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. -- Ronald Reagan (1986)
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the Facts. -- Will Rogers
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. -- P.J. O'Rourke
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. -- Pericles (430 B.C.)
No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. -- Mark Twain (1866)
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain
Talk is cheap-except when Congress does it. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. -- Ronald Reagan
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. --Winston Churchill
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. -- Mark Twain
We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. --Winston Churchill
What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. -- Edward Langley
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Why God made Mothers
The following are different answers given by school-age children to the given questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Think about it, it was the best way to get more people.
3. Mostly to clean the house.
4. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. He made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world, and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string I think.
What kind of little girl was your Mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
How did your Mom meet your dad?
1. Mom was working in a store and dad was shoplifting.
What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
What makes a real woman?
1. It means you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dads such a goofball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just got to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you gotta ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What's the difference between moms and grandmas?
1. About 30 years.
2. You can always count on grandmothers for candy. Sometimes moms don't even have bread!
Describe the world's greatest Mom?
1. She would make broccoli taste like ice cream!
2. The greatest Mom in the world wouldn't make me kiss my fat aunts!
3. She'd always be smiling and keep her opinions to herself.
Is anything about your Mom perfect?
1. Her teeth are perfect, but she bought them from the dentist.
2. Her casserole recipes. But we hate them.
3. Just her children
What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd dye-it, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Think about it, it was the best way to get more people.
3. Mostly to clean the house.
4. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. He made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world, and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string I think.
What kind of little girl was your Mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
How did your Mom meet your dad?
1. Mom was working in a store and dad was shoplifting.
What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
What makes a real woman?
1. It means you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dads such a goofball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just got to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you gotta ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What's the difference between moms and grandmas?
1. About 30 years.
2. You can always count on grandmothers for candy. Sometimes moms don't even have bread!
Describe the world's greatest Mom?
1. She would make broccoli taste like ice cream!
2. The greatest Mom in the world wouldn't make me kiss my fat aunts!
3. She'd always be smiling and keep her opinions to herself.
Is anything about your Mom perfect?
1. Her teeth are perfect, but she bought them from the dentist.
2. Her casserole recipes. But we hate them.
3. Just her children
What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd dye-it, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Sunday, October 01, 2006
School Automated Answering Service
This is the actual answering machine message for the school. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework.
The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their classes.
The outgoing message: "Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:
* To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
* To make excuses for why your child did not do his work- Press 2
* To complain about what we do - Press 3
* To swear at staff members - Press 4
* To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
* If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
* To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8
* To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
* To complain about school lunches - Press 0
* If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and Have a nice day!
The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their classes.
The outgoing message: "Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:
* To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
* To make excuses for why your child did not do his work- Press 2
* To complain about what we do - Press 3
* To swear at staff members - Press 4
* To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5
* If you want us to raise your child - Press 6
* If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
* To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8
* To complain about bus transportation - Press 9
* To complain about school lunches - Press 0
* If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and Have a nice day!
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