Saturday, September 26, 2009

About the Human Body...

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 3kg (6.6 lb).

The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women reading this will be finished now.

Men are still busy checking their thumbs.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Mushroom goes into a Bar

A mushroom goes into a bar and sits down to order a drink. The bartender walks over and says, "I'm sorry sir, but we don't serve your kind here."

The mushroom sits back and asks ,"Why not? I'm a fun guy (fungi)!"

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Alligator in a bar

A man walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash. Once he is in the bar he tells all the patrons that are present that for a round of drinks from everyone in the bar he will insert his penis into the alligator's mouth and remove it unscathed. All the bar goers accepted the dare and each put up a drink. the man walks up to the alligator, takes his penis out of his pants and puts into the alligator's mouth. He then grabs a beer bottle and smashes it over the alligator's head. The alligator immediately opens his mouth and the man removes his penis unscathed.

The crowd is left in awe.

The man then says, "If there is anyone here who is willing do the same thing, I will give them $500."

From the back of the bar a woman stands up and says, "I'll do it, if you promise not to smash the beer bottle over my head!"

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

How Tall is It?

A man was walking down the street and on the corner were 3 drunks trying to raise a telephone pole. They worked and worked and finally got the thing in the air. Two of of the drunks held the pole and the other climbed on top. He let down a a tape measure. This fellow couldn't take it any more so he asks what they were doing.
They said, "We are measuring this pole."

The man asks, "Why didn't you measure it on the ground?"

They said, "We know how long it is, now we want to know how tall it is."

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Another lightbulb joke

How many potheads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, you all use candles.

How many potheads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Who cares? You're all stoned.

(jokes by Susan Messing/comedienne)