Saturday, October 17, 2009

Messy House - the beginning

This is an actual apartment..found in Houston after the evacuation for the hurricane.

This is NOT hurricane damage....

The apartment was found this way prior to the hurricane. Hard to believe there wasn't a fire with all the cigarettes.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Ugga Bugga

Two ministers doing missionary work in the South Seas are captured by a tribe and tied to stakes. The chief says to them, "You have a choice – death, or ugga bugga."

The first guy says, "Well, I guess ugga bugga." The chief shouts "UGGA BUGGA!" and 30 members of the tribe attack and sodomize the first missionary.

The chief then asks the second minister, "Now you have a choice, death or ugga bugga."

He says "well, my religion does not allow me to choose ugga bugga, so I suppose it must be death." The chief says, "Very well," and shouts "DEATH. But first, UGGA BUGGA!"

Monday, October 12, 2009

Happy holiday

In honor of Christopher...

Today, in America, government workers have the day off from work because of Columbus's voyage and accidental discovery of this continent. Well, he didn't actually discover it because people were living here already. No matter, it's still a holiday. I take no credit for these silly jokes.

Where did Columbus first land in America?
On his feet!

Who was the first cat to discover America?
Christopher Columpuss!

How was Columbus's ship like an avid shopper?
They're both driven by sales!

What's the difference between one of Columbus's sailors and a monster ?
One left his Spain behind and the other left his brain behind!

What would you get if you crossed October 12 with Halloween?
Ghoulumbus Day!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

The Afterlife

Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife.

So Irv dies. Sid doesn't hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It's Irv.

"So there is an afterlife! What's it like?" Sid asks.

"Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex. Take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep, and wake up the next day."

"Oh, my god," says Sid "So that's what heaven is like?"

"Oh no," says Irv. "I'm not in heaven. I'm a bear in Yellowstone Park."