Saturday, February 04, 2006

It's great being a bloke

Being a bloke is top because:

Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.

Your orgasms are real. Always.

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don't give a rat's arse if someone notices your new haircut.

Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

Wrinkles add character.

A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished.

You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

Porn movies are designed with you in mind.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"

You can appreciate great sport.

You can throw a ball more than 5 feet.

One mood, ALL the damn time.

A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob you blind.

You can go to a public toilet without a support group.

You can leave a hotel bed unmade.

You can kill your own food.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

If you are 30 and single, nobody notices.

Everything on your face stays its original colour.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You don't have to clean your flat if the electricity meter reader is coming.

You can sit in silence watching a football game with your mate for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

You don't mooch off other's desserts.

You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

Same job... more pay.

The world is your urinal


Jupiters Girl said...

I'm so jealous of men. They also don't have to change out empty toilet paper rolls, they don't care what's on the tv as long as it's something, and they don't have to bring a covered dish to the potluck dinner if they have a mate cuz it's her(my)job. And another thing about men...

I could go on, but I'll just stop before I work myself up into a frenzy. Besides, there are plenty of things I leave to the Man. I don't need to get my hands dirty and worry my pretty little head about weed-eating, car issues, and lately, roof repairs and cutting down the dozens of fallen trees that we have on our property. I take back my jealousy of men. Carry on, mates.

Foot Eater said...

Not really in the same league, but here are two examples of four-word sentences which no man wants to hear:

"I'm four days late."

"Is it in yet?"

Dr Maroon said...

Not really in the same league, but here are more examples of sentences which no man wants to hear:

"I've been looking at that shitey kitchen...."

"I've been thinking...."

"Those book-shelves/light fittings/pictures won't put themselves up you know..."

" Maria at work says backpacking in the Andes was really...."

"Leave it, I'll get a man in to do it.."

" Is that another drink, or the same one?"

"How much coke's in that? Let me taste it"

I better stop.

Jokemail said...

I think the one that most guys really hate is when they've asked their woman "what's wrong?" and she replies "nothing!" or "well if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you!"