Sunday, September 18, 2005

Modern Working Life

You know you work in the modern world when...

1. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.

2. Your company welcome sign is attached with velcro.

3. Your CV is on a disk in your pocket.

4. You really get excited about a 1.7% pay rise.

5. You learn about your redundancy on the 9 o'clock news.

6. Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose all your best jokes.

7. Your supervisor doesn't have the ability to do your job.

8. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.

9. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined.

10. It's dark when you drive to and from work, even in the summer.

11. You know exactly how many days you've got left until you retire.

12. Interviewees, despite not having the relevant knowledge or experience, terminate the interview when told of the starting salary.

13. You see a good looking, smart person and you know it must be a visitor.

14. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.

15. The work experience person gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours powers up.

16. Being sick is defined as you can't walk or you're in hospital.

17. You're already late on the assignment you just got.

18. There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department is short of, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.

19. Your boss's favourite lines are: "When you've got a few minutes..."; "Could you fit this in...?"; "In your spare time..."; "When you're free..."; I know you're busy but..."; "I have an opportunity for you..."

20. Holiday is something you roll over to next year or a cheque you get in January.

21. Every week another brown collection envelope comes round because someone you didn't know at work is leaving.

22. You wonder who's going to be left to put something into your "leaving" collection.

23. Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers".

24. The only reason you recognise your kids is because their pictures are on your desk.

25. You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.

26. You read this entire list, kept nodding and you understood it.

27. Everyone you want to forward this to has already left and become a company in their own right.


Cherry_Cherry_Blossoms said... can always add meeeee!!!!! sorry i am one of those freaks who over does the letters...anyways...interesting enough. come visit my blog!!!!!
okay..i am done now

Cherry_Cherry_Blossoms said...

lol...did you think that my blog was terrible? just a thought...
catch you laters

Kim Ayres said...

I really enjoyed your blog - still looking through some of the entries - couldn't quite follow the "fo snizzle my nizzlllessss " stuff though


Cherry_Cherry_Blossoms said...

sorry...that was just an instant message...i cut out some stuff already..but oh well...i guess i will have to take out more stuff..haha..and aways..are you on all the freaking time?

Kim Ayres said...

Not all the time- you've just caught me live at the moment. I'm based in the UK, so if you're in the US I guess you must be an insomniac, or just up very early.

Cherry_Cherry_Blossoms said...

actualy..i work at night so i am about to get off in 30 minutes!!! and stay up the whole day because i don't work on sunday nights because i have school on monday mornings...blah blah blah...

Kim Ayres said...

No wonder you're on a downward spiral!

Cherry_Cherry_Blossoms said... all started back when i was a freshmen..or freshwomen...not really but hey..what can a gal do right... need the money..gots to work..or else find myself a rich @ss husband!!!!!still searching..know anyone by chance?

Kim Ayres said...

If I think of anyone I'll let you know :)

SafeTinspector said...

Ok, so...
What is a "CV"?
What is a "work experience person"?

Otherwise, I recognize the validity of your humorous observations! HA, I say, HA!
I am not in a similar place, but as a computer networking specialist I've seen plenty of companies like that.
I work for a teeny tiny company, so my work tragedies work differently.

Kim Ayres said...

Hi Safe-T

A CV is your resume, and a work experience person is someone who might be there from school or college for a few weeks to get a sense of what the job is about. Work experience is usually arranged between the school and the workplace.

Hope that makes sense!