Canadian Jokes

CANADIAN JOKE #1

A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?"

"I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.
"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."

CANADIAN JOKE #2

An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie. He went to the neurosurgeon and asked "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?"

"Sure it's easy," replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie."

The Ontarian was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the neurosurgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently
beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic.

As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him "I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain."

The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"

CANADIAN JOKE #3

Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia? The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins and throwing them back.

CANADIAN JOKE #4

In Canada we have two seasons... six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling.

CANADIAN JOKE #5

One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. They preceded to each buy a pint of Molson Canadian. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their pints.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing happened.

The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT YOU BASTARD!!!"

CANADIAN JOKE #6

A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton, phoned room service for some pepper.

"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.

"Toilette pepper!"