Fair Working Rights for the Penis

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor

I work at great depths

I work head first

I do not get weekends off or public holidays

I work in a damp environment

I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation

I work in high temperatures

My work exposes me to contagious diseases


Response from the administration:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight, who you kiddin!

You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods

You do not always follow the orders of the management team

You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas

You take a lot of non-rostered breaks

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift

You don't always observe measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits

You don't wait till pension age before retiring

You don't like working double shifts

You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.