Try Saying... Instead of...

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received, this will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases have been provided so that a proper exchange of ideas & information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offence.


TRY SAYING - Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF - And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING - I'm certain that that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF - No fucking way.

TRY SAYING - Really?
INSTEAD OF - You've got to be shitting me.

TRY SAYING - Perhaps you should check with ......
INSTEAD OF - Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING - I wasn't involved in that project.
INSTEAD OF - It's not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING - That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF - What the fuck!

TRY SAYING - I'm not sure that this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF - This shit won't work.

TRY SAYING - I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF - Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner.

TRY SAYING - He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF - He's got his head up his arse.

TRY SAYING - Excuse me sir?
INSTEAD OF - Eat shit & die motherfucker.

TRY SAYING - So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF - Kiss my arse.

TRY SAYING - I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF - Fuck off, I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING - I don't think you quite understand.
INSTEAD OF - Shove it up your arse.

TRY SAYING - I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF - This fucking job sucks.

TRY SAYING - You want me to take care of that.
INSTEAD OF - Who the fuck died & made you the boss?

TRY SAYING - I see.
INSTEAD OF - Fuck me.

TRY SAYING - I think you could use a little more training.
INSTEAD OF - You don't know what the fuck you're doing.

Thank you,
Human Resources.