These are (allegedly) extracts from actual letters sent by tenants to various councils and housing associations throughout the UK!!
1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
3. ....and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
4. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
5. My lavatory seat is cracked. Where do I stand?
6. I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall.
7. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house.
8. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
9. Can you please tell me when the repairs will be done as my wife is about to become an expectant mother....50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.
10. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers and they smell.
11. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
12. Will you please send a man to look at my water. It is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
13. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in five pieces.
14. I want to complain about the farmer across the road every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
15. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
16. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have 2 children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
17. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.
18. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
19. I have had a clerk of the works down on the floor 6 times but I still have no satisfaction.
20. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.
21. My bush is really overgrown around the front and my back passage has fungus growing on it.
22. ...and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take anymore.
6 comments:
These were funny. I wonder if some were said on purpose. "...man next door has a large erection in the back garden,"
this is it! the holy grail!
a new joke every day?
you bet i will be back!
http://the-tranquility-of-solitude.blogspot.com
you are blessed. i think that is the third time i have given my address to a stranger!
there isn't too much there at present as i have just restarted. long boring story. don't ask.
JG, you can never be sure. I mean, I'm not entirely convinced that complaint number 3 wasn't really about what you first think it is... if you get my meaning.
Cappuccino kid, I've linked to you as I see you've linked to me, but I'm not sure whether I should have or not as you seem reluctant about giving your blog address out. If you want me to remove it, just say
nah. keep it there. will put you up on mine at a later date.
got to say, simple idea for a blog, but so clever too!
keep it up.
in fact what am i talking about? i did it yesterday!
doofus!
Glad you like it :)
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