MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's come in his shorts."
HERE is Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."
MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."
JACK Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyres on World Superbikes: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard
on now."
Here is Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."
Winning Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."
Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."
During the 1989 British Masters golf tournament, commentator Peter Aliss observed: "Notices are appearing at courses telling golfers not to lick their balls on the green."
Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."
Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."
James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"
Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."
The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away. "My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."
Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."
Steve Leonard, talking about vegetation on Vets In The Wild, told Trude: "There's something big growing between my legs."
Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Written on the Forehead
A husband is at home watching a very exciting World Cup soccer game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."
He looks at her and says angrily; "Fix the light, now? Does it look like I have a Manweb logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so!"
The wife asks, "Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close properly"
To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Electrolux written on my forehead? I don't think so!"
"Fine" She says, "Then could you at least fix the steps at the front door? They're about to break."
"I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix steps," He says. "Does it look like I have B & Q written on my forehead? I don't think so! I've had enough of you, I'm going to the bar!" So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours.
He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Honey" He asks, "How did all this get fixed?"
She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried. Then a nice young man asked me what was wrong and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was either, go to bed with him or bake a cake."
Her husband said, "So what kind of cake did you bake him?"
She replied, "Hellooooo......do you see Mr. Kipling written on my forehead?
I DON'T THINK SO!!"
He looks at her and says angrily; "Fix the light, now? Does it look like I have a Manweb logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so!"
The wife asks, "Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close properly"
To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Electrolux written on my forehead? I don't think so!"
"Fine" She says, "Then could you at least fix the steps at the front door? They're about to break."
"I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix steps," He says. "Does it look like I have B & Q written on my forehead? I don't think so! I've had enough of you, I'm going to the bar!" So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours.
He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Honey" He asks, "How did all this get fixed?"
She said, "Well, when you left I sat outside and cried. Then a nice young man asked me what was wrong and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was either, go to bed with him or bake a cake."
Her husband said, "So what kind of cake did you bake him?"
She replied, "Hellooooo......do you see Mr. Kipling written on my forehead?
I DON'T THINK SO!!"
Monday, March 13, 2006
How Drunk?
Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways. The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.
The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door I blew chunks for 10 minutes."
The second said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"
The third proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home,I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole f*cking house down!"
The room was silent for a moment. Then, the first girl spoke out again, "Listen girls, I don't think you understand...
...Chunks is my dog."
The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door I blew chunks for 10 minutes."
The second said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"
The third proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home,I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole f*cking house down!"
The room was silent for a moment. Then, the first girl spoke out again, "Listen girls, I don't think you understand...
...Chunks is my dog."
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Old Jokes
A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts.
A woman comes up to him and says 'What are you supposed to be?'
The man says "A premature ejaculation".
"What?" says the woman.
The man says "I've just come in my pants."
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly " I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, straight up, no bull!"
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
He was pulled in by a strong currant.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts.
A woman comes up to him and says 'What are you supposed to be?'
The man says "A premature ejaculation".
"What?" says the woman.
The man says "I've just come in my pants."
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly " I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, straight up, no bull!"
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
He was pulled in by a strong currant.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Maths Exam
The Scottish Executive Education Committee has determined that different secondary Maths Exam are required for pupils in the two cities.
Below are the most recent maths exam papers for your reference.
MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS IN GLASGOW:
NAME __________________________
NICK-NAME ____________________
GANG NAME ____________________
1. Shug has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Malkie for 300 quid and 90 grams to Gozy for 90 quid a gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
2. Elroy McKay pimps 3 brassers. If the price is 40 quid a shag, how many shags per day must each brasser perform to support his 500 quid a day crack habit?
3. Whacker wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 bar, to make a 20% profit. How many grams of strychnine will he need?
4. Christy got 6 years for murder. He also got 350,000 for the hit. If his common law wife spends 33,100 per year, how much money will be left when he gets out?
Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Christy get for killing the slapper that spent his money?
5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square meters and the average letter is 1 square meter, how many letters can be sprayed with eight fluid ounce cans of spray paint with 20% extra paint free?
6. Bagga steals Dunky's skateboard. As Bagga skates away at a speed of 35mph, Dunky loads his brother's piece. If it takes Dunky 20 seconds to load the gun, how far will Baga have travelled when he gets whacked?
MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS IN EDINBURGH:
NAME________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
_________________________
(if longer, please continue on separate sheet)
DADDY'S COMPANY_______________________________________
1. Julian smashes up the old man's car, causing x amount of damage and killing three people. The old man asks his local MP to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of y. The difference between x and y is three times the life insurance settlement for the three dead people.
What kind of car is Julian driving now?
2. Chloe's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Chloe doesn't even notice the difference.
Is she thick or what?
3. Roly fancies the arse off a certain number of tarts, but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14 Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two-thirds?
4. If Savannah throws up four times a day for a week she can fit in a size 8 Versace. If she only throws up three times a day for two weeks, she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce et Gabbana.
How much does liposuction cost?
5. Alexander is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners. However he only has access to the Hoover every third week.
When does his Sunday Independent column start?
Below are the most recent maths exam papers for your reference.
MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS IN GLASGOW:
NAME __________________________
NICK-NAME ____________________
GANG NAME ____________________
1. Shug has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Malkie for 300 quid and 90 grams to Gozy for 90 quid a gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
2. Elroy McKay pimps 3 brassers. If the price is 40 quid a shag, how many shags per day must each brasser perform to support his 500 quid a day crack habit?
3. Whacker wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 bar, to make a 20% profit. How many grams of strychnine will he need?
4. Christy got 6 years for murder. He also got 350,000 for the hit. If his common law wife spends 33,100 per year, how much money will be left when he gets out?
Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Christy get for killing the slapper that spent his money?
5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square meters and the average letter is 1 square meter, how many letters can be sprayed with eight fluid ounce cans of spray paint with 20% extra paint free?
6. Bagga steals Dunky's skateboard. As Bagga skates away at a speed of 35mph, Dunky loads his brother's piece. If it takes Dunky 20 seconds to load the gun, how far will Baga have travelled when he gets whacked?
MATHS TEST FOR SECONDARY SCHOOLS IN EDINBURGH:
NAME________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________
_________________________
(if longer, please continue on separate sheet)
DADDY'S COMPANY_______________________________________
1. Julian smashes up the old man's car, causing x amount of damage and killing three people. The old man asks his local MP to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim and receives a payment of y. The difference between x and y is three times the life insurance settlement for the three dead people.
What kind of car is Julian driving now?
2. Chloe's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand products for the designer goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to Fiji and Chloe doesn't even notice the difference.
Is she thick or what?
3. Roly fancies the arse off a certain number of tarts, but he only has enough Rohypnol left to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14 Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the other two-thirds?
4. If Savannah throws up four times a day for a week she can fit in a size 8 Versace. If she only throws up three times a day for two weeks, she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce et Gabbana.
How much does liposuction cost?
5. Alexander is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners. However he only has access to the Hoover every third week.
When does his Sunday Independent column start?
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Tattoo
Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says, "Where in the hell have you been?"
Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"
"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
With thanks to Binty for this one
Larry replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain. "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"
"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
With thanks to Binty for this one
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Pub Crawl
Harry and Paul fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money, all together they came to a staggering 50 pence.
Harry: 'Hang on, I've got an idea' - went to the next butchers shop and came out with one large Cumberland Sausage.
Paul: 'Are you crazy? Now we haven't got any money left at all'
Harry: 'Don't worry - just follow me' and went into the next pub where he immediately ordered two pints and two large Jack Daniel's
Paul: 'Now you have lost it - do you know how much trouble we will be in - we
haven't got any money!!'
Harry: 'Don't' worry - I have got a plan - Cheers'
They had their drinks and Harry said 'OK, I will now stick the sausage through my zip - you will go on your knees and put it in your mouth.' Said and done - the landlord noticed it - went berserk and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk -all for free. At the 10th pub Paul said 'Mate - I don't think I can continue this any longer - I am pissed and my knees are killing me
Harry replied, 'How do you think I feel - I lost the sausage in the 3rd pub'
Harry: 'Hang on, I've got an idea' - went to the next butchers shop and came out with one large Cumberland Sausage.
Paul: 'Are you crazy? Now we haven't got any money left at all'
Harry: 'Don't worry - just follow me' and went into the next pub where he immediately ordered two pints and two large Jack Daniel's
Paul: 'Now you have lost it - do you know how much trouble we will be in - we
haven't got any money!!'
Harry: 'Don't' worry - I have got a plan - Cheers'
They had their drinks and Harry said 'OK, I will now stick the sausage through my zip - you will go on your knees and put it in your mouth.' Said and done - the landlord noticed it - went berserk and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk -all for free. At the 10th pub Paul said 'Mate - I don't think I can continue this any longer - I am pissed and my knees are killing me
Harry replied, 'How do you think I feel - I lost the sausage in the 3rd pub'
Monday, March 06, 2006
Rules All Straight Men Should Know
1. Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolate".
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally beaten and killed by his fellow party goers.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your immedicate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call bullshit. (Exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
6. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
7. The maximum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
8. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable .
9. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional.
10. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
11. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return is required to grant it.
12. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and, more importantly, the ability to pick a buggalo wing clean.
13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem; you didn't see nothing.
14.The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is BEER
15. (Gas Warfare Act) you may flatulate in front of a woman only after you've brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under the covers (dutch oven) for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officialy your girlfriend.
16. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel and it's free.
17. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
19. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "what this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.
20. Prases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" " another set and we can hit the showers." "Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
21. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. that's just plain mean.
22. never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
23. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him... too gay.
24. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a F*** **F, you are absolved of your responsibility.
25. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling wierd and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally beaten and killed by his fellow party goers.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your immedicate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call bullshit. (Exception: when trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
6. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
7. The maximum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
8. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable .
9. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional.
10. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
11. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permission and he, in return is required to grant it.
12. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and, more importantly, the ability to pick a buggalo wing clean.
13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem; you didn't see nothing.
14.The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is BEER
15. (Gas Warfare Act) you may flatulate in front of a woman only after you've brought her to climax. But if you trap her head under the covers (dutch oven) for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officialy your girlfriend.
16. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel and it's free.
17. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
19. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "what this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.
20. Prases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" " another set and we can hit the showers." "Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
21. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. that's just plain mean.
22. never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
23. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him... too gay.
24. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a F*** **F, you are absolved of your responsibility.
25. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling wierd and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Emoticons - my arse!
We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons", where:
:) means a smile and
:( is a frown.
Well, how about some "arseicons"?
Here goes:
(_!_) a regular arse
(__!__) a fat arse
(!) a tight arse
(_*_) a sore arse
{_!_} a swishy arse
(_o_) an arse that's been around
(_x_) kiss my arse
(_X_) leave my arse alone
(_zzz_) a tired arse
(_E=mc2_) a smart arse
(_$_) Money coming out of his arse
(_?_) Dumb arse
:) means a smile and
:( is a frown.
Well, how about some "arseicons"?
Here goes:
(_!_) a regular arse
(__!__) a fat arse
(!) a tight arse
(_*_) a sore arse
{_!_} a swishy arse
(_o_) an arse that's been around
(_x_) kiss my arse
(_X_) leave my arse alone
(_zzz_) a tired arse
(_E=mc2_) a smart arse
(_$_) Money coming out of his arse
(_?_) Dumb arse
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