"What do I know about sex? I'm a married man."
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
"You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither."
"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good."
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
"If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all."
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
"I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty."
"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."
"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
"The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision."
"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible."
P. J. ORourke