Classified Classics

Taken from Classified Ads in Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.
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FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
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FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART STUPID DOG
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GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
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FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE REWARD.
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1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
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SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
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COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
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NORDIC TRACK $300
HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBY
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HUMMERS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER -
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
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GEORGIA PEACHES
CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
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NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
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TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 -- $9 PER HOUR.
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EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS &BOX SPRINGS - $175.00
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JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER &DRYER $300.
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ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES
FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
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OPEN HOUSE
BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
FREE COFFEE &DONUTS
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FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent
condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.