Essex Girls

An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter.

"I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says.

"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.

"No" she replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."

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Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.

The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."

She says "I'll take the red one."

The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."

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An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site.

Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions"

Girl: "OK"

Medic: "What's your name"

Girl: "Sharon"

Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"

Sharon: "Yes"

Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"

Sharon: "Romford, mate"

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An Essex girl calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me, I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The girl says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzles spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.

"Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then put all these Frosties back in the box."

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Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor.

Medic: OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed.

Sharon: Ok

Medic: Ok the how many fingers am I putting up

Sharon: Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!