Another one from Safetinspector's collection, although I might have thought it came from El Barbudo...
You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence in your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.
Taurus Apr.20-May 20
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a god-damned communist.
Gemini May 21-June 20
You are quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bi-sexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard. Gemini's are notorious for incest.
Cancer June 21-July 22
You are sympathetic and understanding to others people's problems, which make you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth shit. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.
Leo July 23-Aug.22
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving mother-fuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgo makes good bus drivers and pimps.
You are the artistic type and have difficult time dealing with reality. If you are a male, you are probably a queer. Changes for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libra's die of venereal disease.
The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpio's are murdered.
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarius are drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chicken shit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should stay home, out of the way of everybody else.
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.
You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and scornful advice. You do nothing but piss off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.