Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry ....
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Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to
the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
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Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!
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Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: No.
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Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
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Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening...
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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
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Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
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A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
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Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
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Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
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Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?
10 comments:
Brilliant.
These helpdesk ones are always very funny because we know deep down that we ourselves are just a whisker away from asking these same questions.
I struggled for years over how to get the screeensaver back...
Been there, done that! Will probably do it again soon...
I can relate to these - groan!
These made me chuckle. I've linked to your blog because I like what you're doing ie providing laughter therapy.
oh my am sure i have asked one of those questions!
this is a long one, sorry.
this is supposed to be true.
"ridge hall, may i help?"
"yes, i am having trouble with word perfect"
"what sort?"
"i was typing and all the words went away"
"went away?"
"they disappeard?"
"hmm, what does your screen look like now?"
"nothing"
"nothing?"
"it's blank, it won't accept anything when i type"
"are you still in word perfect, or did you get out"
"how do i tell?"
"can you see a c:prompt on screen?"
"whats a sea prompt?"
"never mind, can you move the cursor?"
"there isn't a cursor, i told you, it wont accept anything i type"
"does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"whats a monitor?"
"the thing that looks like a tv. has it a light that tells you its on?"
"i dont know"
"well look round the back of the monitor and find the power cable. can you see that?"
"yes, i think so"
"great, follow it to the plug and tell me if its plugged in"
"yes it is"
"when you were behind the computer did you see 2 cables plugged into its back"
"no"
"well you need to check"
"ok, here it is"
"follow it and see if they are plugged into your computer"
"i cant reach"
"well can you see if it is?"
"no"
"even if you lean way over?"
"it's not cos i am at the wrong angle, it's too dark"
"dark?"
"yes, the office light is off and there is only a small window"
"turn the light on then"
"i can't"
"why?"
"theres a power cut"
"a pow..a power cut? aha, okay, we've got it licked now! do you still have the boxes that the computer came in, and all the manuals etc?"
"yes, in the closet"
"good, go get them, unplug the computer, pack it up and return it to the store you bought it from"
"really? is it that bad?"
"i'm afraid so"
"well, ok. what do i tell them?"
"TELL THEM YOU'RE TOO FUCKING STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!"
sorry it was long, but it's a cracker!
CK - I hate to tell you this, but if you'd looked in the Jokes By Category, you'd have found this one under Another Oldie But Goodie
Sorry, that should be "Word Perfect Helpline"
sorry. my bad. i will hang my head in shame.
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